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The Adoption Process

Mon., Feb 11

The "Short" Story

As many of you know we've always planned on adopting at least 1-2 of our kids, with one being a daughter from China. We looked into this around the time Charlie Grace was born and they said there's a 12 month waiting period, and since any child we adopt would be at least 6-12 months old, we should wait a little to apply. Now that Ian has arrived we called back, and they said that since we last talked with the agency adoptions from China have completely stalled (with the wait now being about 3-3.5 years!).

So we've been trying to get through the process a quickly as possible so we can get our place in line and "start the clock ticking".

If it looks like it might go over 3 years, we would consider potentially adopting domestically, or from another country first to fill in the gap, so that there won't be too big of a spread in years between our kids. We had been thinking lately of stopping at 4 kids, but 5 was the number we were shooting for so long that it's certainly not out of the question. While we hope to be as good parents as Memere and Pepere, we don't plan on catching up with them in volume any time soon... :)

The process of adopting is MUCH more stressful than having kids. These past couple of months of paperwork, and such have been much more draining emotionally than Ian's first 2 months, and this process is going to go on for YEARS.

We are not "hiding" anything from the kids, but since it's so far out, we're also not involving them in any of the planning, and we're only discussing it in the abstract around them (i.e. we'll talk about needing to get another half a dozen papers notarized). We were talking about it in front of Ian, but he's already stressed with starting school, so we've backed off on that a bit also, since he was definitely picking up on our stress levels if not the details.

More Details
Basically here's the process:
    http://chinaadoption.org/index.php?option=com_content&;task=view&id=17&Itemid=37

We're just started the home study in early Feb (met with social worker), and it's a mandatory month (MA law). If we get all our paperwork set it shouldn't take *much* longer than a month (1-2 weeks) for her to finish her paperwork. The meeting with the social worker went fine. She's really great. The possible delays are:

    * the fact that I lived in Germany *might* mean they have to do a police check on me from Germany which could take more time.
    * Need bloodwork from doctor, which could take more time
    * Need a birth certificate from New Haven, and that may take a while.
    * Got married in Costa Rica might mean more paperwork as they need original documents for key steps.

Other than that we have somewhere around 20-40 months of waiting at this point, with periodic bouts of paperwork. :)

It's pretty stressful. A few years back the wait time was 6-12 months. I guess they got backed up due to SARS a little, and then they updated their regulations A LOT a few years back, and the wait is now over 24 months from China. That number can change any time if:
* China moves faster
* People drop out of the system because of the wait

Apparently the wait had been as long as 15 months before, and then got down to 6 months within a few years, and now it's back up over 24 months, so you just don't know. China is a very closed country, and they do their adoption based on the order you've signed up. Sometimes they have more kids for adoption, and sometimes they don't. You can ask them why that is, but they don't have to tell you. :)

It's definitely a stressful process... and here I was thinking it couldn't be harder than giving birth...

We are also considering *possibly* looking at other countries, but not super seriously. China has a pretty good process that's been dependable (in terms of health, and legalities) for a while, and the agency we're working with has a good track record. We're also considering getting another child before the Chinese child so we don't have a huge gap in ages between Ian and our next child...

We're also going through our "Hague Certified Training" for international adoption. It's a series of mind-numbingly boring videos which we're plodding through. Other than The Simpsons (which I haven't seen in years) I don't think I've watched this much "TV"... well ever. I suppose for someone that's used to watching shows on TV it's not that bad, but boy would we rather be reading a book. I also got to take my first series of tests since high school (or maybe I took 1 or 2 in college somewhere?). It's it's strangely inefficient way to learn information, esp. when you consider it's something we REALLY WANT to know more about.

Right now we're processing the fact that adopted children have experienced a lot of "unmet need". What this means in practical terms is their brains have been learning things like:
* your needs won't be met in a timely manner
* your caregivers change often
* you're not your caregiver's top priority

This of course makes you question many parenting theories for parenting biological kids such as "letting them cry it out". Apparently, creating a bond with an adopted child can be a very tricky thing because they have "baggage", so it can be MUCH MUCH harder to have an adopted 1 year old, than a newborn in many many ways. We're just processing these things now, and of course we have 3 years to obsess over them, before we get our next family member... which makes it all the more stressful. Somehow the unknown is worse than the known in many cases, you know?

So that's where we've been at lately.

Home News Max Pictures Charlie Grace Ian and beyond (fall 2007) Travel Pictures Directions Mailing List Sign Up: sign up for our email mailing list: [ submit ]		alignment: The Adoption Process Mon., Feb 11 The "Short" Story As many of you know we've always planned on adopting at least 1-2 of our kids, with one being a daughter from China. We looked into this around the time Charlie Grace was born and they said there's a 12 month waiting period, and since any child we adopt would be at least 6-12 months old, we should wait a little to apply. Now that Ian has arrived we called back, and they said that since we last talked with the agency adoptions from China have completely stalled (with the wait now being about 3-3.5 years!). So we've been trying to get through the process a quickly as possible so we can get our place in line and "start the clock ticking". If it looks like it might go over 3 years, we would consider potentially adopting domestically, or from another country first to fill in the gap, so that there won't be too big of a spread in years between our kids. We had been thinking lately of stopping at 4 kids, but 5 was the number we were shooting for so long that it's certainly not out of the question. While we hope to be as good parents as Memere and Pepere, we don't plan on catching up with them in volume any time soon... :) The process of adopting is MUCH more stressful than having kids. These past couple of months of paperwork, and such have been much more draining emotionally than Ian's first 2 months, and this process is going to go on for YEARS. We are not "hiding" anything from the kids, but since it's so far out, we're also not involving them in any of the planning, and we're only discussing it in the abstract around them (i.e. we'll talk about needing to get another half a dozen papers notarized). We were talking about it in front of Ian, but he's already stressed with starting school, so we've backed off on that a bit also, since he was definitely picking up on our stress levels if not the details. More Details Basically here's the process: http://chinaadoption.org/index.php?option=com_content&;task=view&id=17&Itemid=37 We're just started the home study in early Feb (met with social worker), and it's a mandatory month (MA law). If we get all our paperwork set it shouldn't take much longer than a month (1-2 weeks) for her to finish her paperwork. The meeting with the social worker went fine. She's really great. The possible delays are: * the fact that I lived in Germany might mean they have to do a police check on me from Germany which could take more time. * Need bloodwork from doctor, which could take more time * Need a birth certificate from New Haven, and that may take a while. * Got married in Costa Rica might mean more paperwork as they need original documents for key steps. Other than that we have somewhere around 20-40 months of waiting at this point, with periodic bouts of paperwork. :) It's pretty stressful. A few years back the wait time was 6-12 months. I guess they got backed up due to SARS a little, and then they updated their regulations A LOT a few years back, and the wait is now over 24 months from China. That number can change any time if: * China moves faster * People drop out of the system because of the wait Apparently the wait had been as long as 15 months before, and then got down to 6 months within a few years, and now it's back up over 24 months, so you just don't know. China is a very closed country, and they do their adoption based on the order you've signed up. Sometimes they have more kids for adoption, and sometimes they don't. You can ask them why that is, but they don't have to tell you. :) It's definitely a stressful process... and here I was thinking it couldn't be harder than giving birth... We are also considering possibly looking at other countries, but not super seriously. China has a pretty good process that's been dependable (in terms of health, and legalities) for a while, and the agency we're working with has a good track record. We're also considering getting another child before the Chinese child so we don't have a huge gap in ages between Ian and our next child... We're also going through our "Hague Certified Training" for international adoption. It's a series of mind-numbingly boring videos which we're plodding through. Other than The Simpsons (which I haven't seen in years) I don't think I've watched this much "TV"... well ever. I suppose for someone that's used to watching shows on TV it's not that bad, but boy would we rather be reading a book. I also got to take my first series of tests since high school (or maybe I took 1 or 2 in college somewhere?). It's it's strangely inefficient way to learn information, esp. when you consider it's something we REALLY WANT to know more about. Right now we're processing the fact that adopted children have experienced a lot of "unmet need". What this means in practical terms is their brains have been learning things like: * your needs won't be met in a timely manner * your caregivers change often * you're not your caregiver's top priority This of course makes you question many parenting theories for parenting biological kids such as "letting them cry it out". Apparently, creating a bond with an adopted child can be a very tricky thing because they have "baggage", so it can be MUCH MUCH harder to have an adopted 1 year old, than a newborn in many many ways. We're just processing these things now, and of course we have 3 years to obsess over them, before we get our next family member... which makes it all the more stressful. Somehow the unknown is worse than the known in many cases, you know? So that's where we've been at lately.


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